Anyone You Meet Can Change Your Life
My meeting with Sheridan Cassidy, the Actress and Writer who inspired me to share my story of how I came back from the brink of suicide.
I have never shared my story before now but I intended to, a little under two years ago after I met Sheridan and she quite honestly changed my life. This is why my first blog is the story of how I discovered this incredible woman and how our small encounter completely reset my thinking.
She came about via an unexpected source. We all know a guy who’s intrinsically miserable, right? Mine was a work colleague, ‘Pete’. Day after day, Pete would walk into the office like he had nothing to live for. Occasionally after a few beers, he would touch upon some of the things that bothered him but would soon follow up with ‘it’s alright bro’. These words were a clear signal that he wanted to put a quick stop to the conversation. I knew the kind of place he was in but I also knew two ‘bros’ would never think to discuss it. One night after a trough of shots, I suggested a group called Humen. They offer support specifically for men to openly discuss things in a safe space. His first response was ‘that’s not happening’ but nevertheless, I felt a sense of achievement in getting him to follow their insta page.
One day Pete came in practically unrecognisable. It was such a change that I immediately asked. ‘What’s with you?’ He said he’d got it sorted. Sounded ominous so I had to ask. ‘What have you got sorted Pete?’ He said he’d started with a therapist after talking to a girl who’s doing a project on Men’s Mental Health. He found her via Humen when they shared her story. I took a little of the credit but then he showed me her instagram account. I had to laugh. I told him I’d be cured of all ailments if she spoke to me too. After a series of laddish banter, and my belief he was high on some weird infatuation cos a girl like that gave him a little attention, he said ‘seriously, she knows her shit and she made me see things in a different way’.
My curiosity peaked. Who is this girl? How has she given this guy a few years worth of therapy in one sitting? I wanted in, so I asked him how to get in touch. He said just DM her, she’ll reply.
After an adequate amount of Instagram stalking, I was sure I wanted to meet her. I sent a DM telling her I had been to meetings with Humen and that I too had a story that may suit her project. I did worry that many others would give her this line, just to grab her attention but she came across sharp and we spoke enough for her to know I was legit. She asked if I was anywhere near London Bridge cos she preferred to meet in person. She then suggested a bar on the river front at 3pm the next day. She explained this was a regular haunt of hers that was always empty at this time.
I was early, nervous, like it was a first date with someone completely out of my league. And then there she was, Sheridan Cassidy. A girl who literally looked like the posters I had on my wall in my teens. She came sashaying in from the rain, head to toe in black, perched on top of some gigantic studded boots that looked like they belonged in some fetish fantasy. She smiled and waved as she walked over. I gulped as I suddenly felt 14 again and had no idea how to deal with such a creature.
She threw down her coat and said ‘oh my god, I need caffeine’. I had to smile at the unexpected earthy nature and slightly Northern twang that came out of this absolute siren. She giggled at herself as she made an awkward milk crack when she ordered her coffee. I was lost in some strange awe, hoping she didn’t notice. She asked if I wanted anything, I remembered I wasn’t 14 again and just about managed to answer her, but all that was going through my head at this time was ‘I can’t tell this girl my story’.
It was then that she began talking about the project. As she spoke there was an obvious passion and an even more apparent understanding of the subject. She talked about how societal standards have given men and women roles that are so engrained, we grow up programmed with harmful thought patterns. She said it was these patterns that don’t allow men to release their problems in a healthy way through fear of judgement. She said we need to remove the idea of judgement that goes with Mental Health issues to find a way forward.
It was a far cry from when she walked in but I was suddenly so at ease with her. She was just so natural and had an energy that made you feel like she was your best friend, as well as your unpaid therapist. Straight away, I couldn’t imagine a better person to be writing from the perspective of others.
So, I started to tell her about my experience. I felt comfortable enough to go into detail about everything. Even things I haven’t told close friends or family. She just sat and listened and made notes from time to time. I asked if she wanted to record the conversation and she told me, she forgets nothing when she cares. At no point did I feel judged or misunderstood so I decided in that moment to give her everything.
Once I finished the story she put her hand on my arm and said ‘thank you for the detail of your story but could you tell me more about how you felt’. This threw me. I thought I had given her everything. She explained that writing someone else’s story is an interpretation but if it was ok with me, she wanted to know the authentic feelings and motivations for each of the monologues.
I stopped for a moment and I recalled the day I wanted to end my life. That’s when the tears came. She just looked at me with a supportive smile and said ‘keep going if you can’ as she handed me a wad of serviettes. Thats when I actually gave her everything. I have never cried in front of someone before. Let alone an obscenely hot girl who I’d just met. She got hold of my arm and thanked me as she told me she hoped she could do me and my story justice. Her care and understanding was so genuine, I didn’t regret sharing my truth for a second.
Feeling a little exposed and insecure, I thought on getting my story, she would bolt, but no. Yet again, the unexpected happened, she got me a gin and joked about settling my nerves. We carried on talking about so many things but particularly the ignorance surrounding Men’s Mental Health. Again, I could see her care, passion and understanding. It was this that made me think she must have been directly affected. Was there a friend or family member that instilled this level of passion? so I asked ‘Is this about anyone in particular?’ She just smiled and said ‘Only every man I’ve ever known’. Best. Response. Ever.
We walked back to the station together and she asked how I felt, having let both my story and my feelings about it out, and I said ‘actually I feel free’ and I did. It was like a huge weight had been lifted and she was almost elated at hearing this. She said that’s exactly what she wants for everyone. That to share is to release and being open to a different perspective is how you understand and let go of the obstacles that keep you stuck. Then came the words that I will never forget (mostly cos I asked her to text it to me) She said ‘believing in our own horror stories is how to live in hell and not letting them go is how to stay there’.
We hugged goodbye as I felt like I’d made a lifelong friend in someone I will always truly admire. Sheridan Cassidy, an absolute living legend and I have to say it again, She is FIT!
Her verbatim Theatre Production ‘A Real Man’ based on numerous genuine accounts, like my own was due to be staged in Lockdown 1. Rumour has it, we will finally see this much needed piece of theatre in 2022. I applaud Sheridan for the work she does and the way she selflessly shapes and influences the lives of so many. She genuinely influenced and changed my way of thinking and I hope to pay it forward by sharing my story in this blog.
Follow for my story on how I came back from the brink.
